Package Holiday Skeptic Pillows

' It says here....a typically quiet Spanish fishing village!'

'I hate all holidays!'

"The Box is bigger, the contents smaller, increased the price and called it improved."

'Tom will coordinate our pre-holiday point-of-purchase displays and Mark will coordinate our post holiday point-of-return displays.'

"Let's say an immediate $10.00 allowance increase plus an annual 8% cost of living raise and I'll call him off."

'Sure, I'll take a meeting - but only if you've been very, very good,'

'Special Delivery!'

"Put it on pause, son, and come to Thanksgiving dinner."

Christmas escape plan

U. S. POST OFFICE, ''Fragile'? Yeah, yeah, pal -- they're all fragile.'

'Does Santa have skype?. . . I'd like to get in some face time, so he puts me at the top of his list come December. . .'

"I won't be needing you this year."

"I told the carol singers where to go in no uncertain terms, so that's saved us some money!"

"I've never hated Christmas, just people."

"We'd like to go somewhere that qualifies as a tax deduction."

Last week revisited. Uncle Mort, want to come over to my place for Thanksgiving? Can't. Sadie and I are having it at her place. How nice of you. What? I'd love to. What can I bring? Beautifully played, no? She'll kill me. I'd love to. How nice.

"Every holiday I disable his Internet. It keeps his mind off us."

'This is the fourth single woman to attack the Valentine's display this week.'

'Don't try to kid me - that whole Rudolph thing is just a publicity stunt, isn't it?'

'Frankly, I don't know what to believe. They say if it sounds too good to be true, it usually is.'

'... But, if he knows when I'm sleeping and when I'm awake, isn't that an infringement of my right to privacy?'

"Santa's workshopping"

"I was at home all day yesterday so when do I want you to re-deliver? Yesterday!"

"There are more things I'm ungrateful than grateful for. Why can't we have a holiday for that?"

A hunter sits reading by the fireplace with Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer and the Easter Bunny's heads mounted on the wall as trophies.

"Yes, I do all my shopping online. How did you know?"

Christmas Sale Special

"Thank YOU Amazon!"

"Snowman 1 to snowman 3... UPS delivery complete... FedEx approaching fast... Amazon not in sight... Over!"

'I'm really getting tired of all these Christmas commercials.'

"I'm out! I got a job at another Santa Claus company!"

Scrooge: only-23-days until day after Christmas.

"Well, I have arranged the pick-up of your shipment, sir. Do you already want to raise the complaint about the miscarriage, sir?"

"This Thanksgiving, we're going to serve whatever we can get from the food bank."

A green man sitting on a beach imagining selling toys online