Overeating Analyst Gifts

'The doctor said my body is 40% fat. These cookies are only 20% fat. That's got to help.'

Always empty your fridge before starting a diet.

'Nowadays we want all our food to be ethically sourced, Personally I'd be happy if it was all chocolated sauced,'

Man opens refrigerator which promptly burps.

Tell me about it--last night I ate a whole sleeve of Communion wafers.

'Where do you want to go for breakfast, fancy an Australian or do you want to nip over to Hawaii?'

'The doctor said my body is 40% fat. These cookies are only 20% fat. That's got to help.'

"And what would you like to regret later?"

"Whosoever pulleth this sword from this stone, and can eat just two or three of these double-chocolate Amaretto things without finishing the whole box, shall be king born of England!"

A hunter hitting his first bird.

"Liverwurst is down an eighth, egg-salad is up two and a half, and peanut-butter-and-jelly remains unchanged."

The real reason the Christmas Truce didn't last.

Pirate has parrot for psychiatrist

Andrew Marr

'Why did he cut the chicane - the giant spider isn't on the track, he's on our screen.'

Holiday Overkill.

'Help! -- I ate too much and I can't get up!'

Surfer and the Whale

The File Room at the Chaos Theory & Entropy Institute.

How your grandparents act vs. how your grandparents vote.

"Offside? By a fingertip? It's football not handball!"

'There you are - you know you're not supposed to be eating that!'

Remember, he's simple - It's not WHAT you bark at him, it's the TONE you use when you bark at him.

Suicide by overeating.

'Wine and food doesn't go to waste in this hous, but it does go to waist.'

'Ed's in medical research.'

"Well, I wouldn't go as far as to say your body is a temple, more of an amusement arcade."

'It must of crept on over christmas...'

'The thin person inside you seems to have developed a serious case of claustrophobia.'

Lots of people are lousy at counting calories... and they have the figures to prove it!

"Well, after we talked last summer, you never called me. I figured you lost interest."

'Boy that was a great picnic! I ate too much though and I'm bound to have four stomachaches...'

All you can eat. . . pizza.

Glass Explorters: Half Full and Half Empty.

"It's OK, I'm on a meat day."