Overconfident Guru Pillows

"I attended a leadership seminar. They learnt a lot from me."

'Hey! What's the big idea!?!'

"Still, you've got to admit our being swallowed by a fish has its humorous aspects!"

Mood swings: Swing 1 - 'Looks like it's going to be another wonderful day!' Swing 2 - 'Who CARES link brain! I hope it rains acid!!' Swing 3 - 'I think i'm going to CRRRY!'

'This exotic dessert I make is guilt-free. I already burned all the calories running around finding the ingredients!'

'I try to avoid the trap of letting my idleness define me.'

'Look at the bright side. Think of our mutual funds going up, up, up!'

'Goopta took early retirement.'

"What do you mean, 'There can be no ethics without fear of God'?! Look at me - all ethical and shit!"

"His latest management book was all about controlling the mind...and how you could teach it to construct a new reality..."

Humane Mouse Trap "It doesn't kill them,. It just makes them feel really guilty about inconveniencing you."

'To be honest, you're the only one who sometimes bothers to hear my complaints.'

"Well, for starters, you’re holding the shovel all wrong."

"And thanks to you, I have to buy myself a brand new lucky tie!"

The brain cell that was suppose to help me remember.

'Honestly you could drive a 'coach and horses' through this document, there's no definition of 'weight loss', no time frame, no sanctions.'

"My brain could kick her brain's butt."

"Thanks. I'll let you know if you've been successful."

"Being in the now today sure ain't like the good ol' now!"

'FQ...?'

'Thinking INSIDE the box is actually quite underrated!'

'Mismatched Mantras'

'Pretty confident, huh?'

'Mr. Swanson, out session ended fifteen minutes ago, will you please leave?. . .'

Moan Pig.

Pissed-off hour.

'Oh, I'm not a guru -- I'm just up here on the advice of my tax accountant.'

'Well, Mr. Grumpy, who got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning?'

Have A Nice Day (piss off)

'Looks like somebody woke up on the wrong side of the street this morning.'

"I'm way past mid-life crisis and knee-deep in old age rage!"

'Goopta took early retirement.'

Magic Trick

'You're unquestionably the most handsome, intelligent, virile, chick-magnet to ever grace these parts.'