Overcomplicator Pillows

"Dad, my doorknob broke...can you fix it?"

"Yes, I saw the obituary. So, is that why you weren't in yesterday?"

'Do you ever contemplate life's big questions?'

"You don't look a day over 30,000."

Man running from desk: 'I can't seem to get away from my work lately.'

"I can't remember, did you text me, call me, tweet me, email me, or just tell me about it?"

A dead business executive is lowered into the grave with his desk

'Make me a bunch of appointments that I won't be able to keep.'

'I was married to my job, until I recognized it as a co-dependent relationship.'

"Lost his first hat about nine months ago. Really tore him up too."

"You need to take it easier henderson. You're working yourself into the ground"

'I'm wearing a bump cap and a hard hat. I like to be ready for any situation.'

"He wasn't specific. His last message just said, play it safe - whatever that means."

“At what point does it stop being just moths, and start being Pestilence?”

"I see you've brought some notes for your interview."

Hammer Instructions

Immodiu, Ibruprofen, Clarityn, Sudofed, Paracetemol, Nurofen, Rennies, Diareze... - 'What are you doing?' - 'Packing for my holiday to Egypt.' - 'How ill are you planning on being, exactly?' - 'Ah, that reminds me... can I borrow a bucket from you for a

Fun with Underemployment

Notice! Management hates to see associates working overtime. So, please keep your doors closed. Thanks!

"Let me just tap this in, Greg, then you can putt out."

'I need five weekly lesson plan books. Not only do I tend to overplan, but I feel more comfortable with contingency plans.'

"My wife took up walkin' a mile a day five years ago. Haven't seen her since!" "Lucky son of a..."

"I can tell you exactly what he was compensating for."

"Together they were a 15-pounder."

"Honestly, I forget what we were trying to catch."

"I told you so."

"That's odd! Having a myocardial infarction wasn't even ON his 'to do' list!"

"Sorry I didn't get to all the things - I was too busy with all the things!"