Overcomplication Humorist Pillows

Hammer Instructions

'What I like best about a magnum of Champagne is, it's a controlled portion.'

"And then, like an idiot, I turned to the boss and said 'Maybe the stock market isn't the only thing that's been overvalued!'"

"I meant the dog!"

"I want to apologise for calling this meeting on such short notice."

(Maps to the Homes of the Steers) (Maps $ 100)

"This new system is too complex...pass it on."

'Ok, so we agree that we're going to throw them into the cactus.'

Unknown historical typos: Isaac Newton presser, 1687

I'm ego surfing right now, looking up my name on different search engines.

"I'm glad you like this new brand of coffee, Joni. The label said "fast-acting," but who knows what that means!"

After years of chasing and fighting they discovered it was all just a misunderstanding.

"For the last time, 'port' is left, 'starboard' is right!"

"This is not what I meant when I said 'let's chill'."

'Deputy, I asked 'when are you going to a restaurant?' Not 'arrest your aunt'.'

Jude completely misunderstands his doctor's request for a stool sample.

Music Quiz

"I don't care what the job pays. . . I'm never herding cats again!"

'Marriage is okay, I guess, but I sure will be glad when my wife learns not to starch my jeans.'

When you said it was a place with women and a bar I didn't think you meant a ballet class.

"Mom, all I did was fall off my bike and skin my knee."

"OK, you're right. It does say take 2 tablets by mouth."

'It's easy to follow the No Deodorant Kid.'

'I'm worried that if I study too hard, I couldn end up being a teacher.'

Fish Story

Health and Safety Gone Mad - "It doesn't look safe, his face is totally exposed to danger."

'This infestation is far more serious than I was anticipating.'

"I never discuss my clients with their mothers."

"Aunt Mary, I think you may not have heard me right. I requested a bundt cake."

When Bob stopped bragging about the economic benefits of his conestoga rickshaw.

'That's enough cream. Please stop.'

'I can't afford those prices so would you call me when France goes broke and devalues its currency?'

"I said reach for the sky stranger. It's a figure of speech. I didn't mean literally!"

'Sir, I'm an estate agent. Not a showbiz agent.'

'You've been overfeeding the budgie again, dear.'