Outsmarting Aficionados T-Shirts

"Checkmate... second smartest mammal, give me a break."

'...and, if your idea is so imaginative, innovative and original, why aren't our competitors doing it?'

'That's it gentlemen, we're broke. Anybody know any good jokes?'

"The pay for field testing our new lures isn't much, but you get to keep all the fish you catch."

Welcome Bureaucrats! (Convention of bureaucrats).

'Don't you ever get tired of all the whispering?'

Bismark Ballet School

Ventriloquist Speech Therapy.

'The view is great, but sometimes you've got to hang out with the non-fliers.'

'It's okay that you missed the bullseye. What's important is that you always aimed high.'

When magic tricks go wrong.

The Magicians' Union...

'George, I'd like you to meet Mademoiselle Fifi LaTour from Paris -- she inspired me to invent bifocals!'

"Then, unfortunately, our market launch ran into a brick wall."

'Hello and welcome to the stupidly hyperbolic awards.'

David Petraeus

The boys were delighted, when Jed showed them an old fire eating trick with a flaming arrow.

'Oh, it's different alright...but I'm not sure how much demand there'll be for a Noam Chomsky impersonator.'

Winooski - A camp for sort of gifted boys.

New Milks

"Nice shirt. Is it made of boyfriend material?"

'We were thinking of building something a little subtle this time... haha, just kidding, make it horrible.'

"If he's so smart, why does he have to sell his sperm?"

'Of course we have the finest facilities in the league. This locker room has leather bench seating, cold a.c., and even plenty of cup holders.'

'I'm a talent-scout for a famous circus: Have you ever thought of joining the circus?'

"Go deep."

'He wants us to wake him when something comes on that's aimed at his demographic.'

Wife says: 'Very festive, but I can't seem to find the door.'

Fly On The Wall

"When I started it was just a couple of small injections twice a week."

"And then he climbs into that stupid hat, and just disappears for days!"