Outsmarting Aficionados Mugs

"Checkmate... second smartest mammal, give me a break."

'...and, if your idea is so imaginative, innovative and original, why aren't our competitors doing it?'

'That's it gentlemen, we're broke. Anybody know any good jokes?'

"The pay for field testing our new lures isn't much, but you get to keep all the fish you catch."

Welcome Bureaucrats! (Convention of bureaucrats).

'Don't you ever get tired of all the whispering?'

"This is it, everybody. Jack and Harriet Schroeder sing Harold Arlem."

Bismark Ballet School

Intramission

Ventriloquist Speech Therapy.

'The view is great, but sometimes you've got to hang out with the non-fliers.'

'It's okay that you missed the bullseye. What's important is that you always aimed high.'

When magic tricks go wrong.

'George, I'd like you to meet Mademoiselle Fifi LaTour from Paris -- she inspired me to invent bifocals!'

The Magicians' Union...

"Then, unfortunately, our market launch ran into a brick wall."

Arthur Conan Doyle, MD, observes a passerby who has touch stains on his fingers, paint on his trousers and plaster on his jacket, and quickly deduces the man is a slob.

'Hello and welcome to the stupidly hyperbolic awards.'

"Nice shirt. Is it made of boyfriend material?"

Teddy Tree is trying out for lacrosse. LOL! No way! That spazoid nerd? Hey! No one disses my little brother! Ok. Ok! Sorry! That's my job.

The boys were delighted, when Jed showed them an old fire eating trick with a flaming arrow.

'Oh, it's different alright...but I'm not sure how much demand there'll be for a Noam Chomsky impersonator.'

Winooski - A camp for sort of gifted boys.

New Milks

David Petraeus

'We were thinking of building something a little subtle this time... haha, just kidding, make it horrible.'

"If he's so smart, why does he have to sell his sperm?"

'Of course we have the finest facilities in the league. This locker room has leather bench seating, cold a.c., and even plenty of cup holders.'

'He wants us to wake him when something comes on that's aimed at his demographic.'

'I'm a talent-scout for a famous circus: Have you ever thought of joining the circus?'

Wife says: 'Very festive, but I can't seem to find the door.'

Really? Your friend is an Elvis impersonator. Yes, but just the overeating part.

"Go deep."

Fly On The Wall

"And then he climbs into that stupid hat, and just disappears for days!"