Outdoor Soiree Specialist Gifts

'It's a common misconception. Sometime we actually get quite hot.'

Sloaney Pony.

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

'We like the occasional drink on the patio.'

Don't forget the hosepipe ban!

Beach Barbecue

"Five hamburgers with buns, three hamburgers without buns and two buns, without hamburgers."

Canape?

'I told him if he didn't get here quick he'd miss out on all the beer and food.'

'Oh, look - a juggling stilt-walker painting that little child's face!'

"This chicken wasn't cooked - it committed suttee!"

Shakespeare in the Park: "To pee, or not to pee..."

"I do like a plant that can hold its drink"

Barbecue raises a cloud of smoke; birds and squirrel in tree above wear gas masks.

You'll be the centre of attention for a job well done!

"I use old Duke to check my steaks. If it feels like Duke's tongue, it's rare, if it feels like his ear, it's medium. . ."

"It's a cookout-act stupid!"

"Don't let him get to you. I'm sure there are lots of people you didn't invite."

"Which do I enjoy more. . . the grillin' or the chillin'?"

"Damn! Someone just asked for chicken drumsticks."

Apparently summer's going to start next month.

"Isn't it about time to switch from your warm-weather chair to your cold-weather chair?"

Beer Garden Kit

'We've been tailgating so long, I think we might be homeless.'

Sparklers

Barbecue: Touch the Chef Inappropriately!

'It's called sustainable living. He can survive for days out here.'

'Are you SURE you didn't invite the Brownes around for supper?'

"I heard you had a little problem with the law."

"Did you forget to tell anyone to water the garden while we were away?"

'Ta Da! A brand new set of festive outdoor dinnerware for all my summer entertaining!!'

"Honey - get the smoke can. The guests are starting to swarm all over the bee hives again."

Impressive opinions you can pass off as your own (Entertaining at Dinner Parties).