Oscar Aspirant Pillows

'Most of all, I'd like to thank god. . .'

"We need to make it through at least one movie, so we have something to root for during the Oscars."

Tom Hanks

'OK, the worn out carpeting proves I snack too much. Only one thing to do. Tomorrow I get prices on hardwood floors.'

"Did you know that the average mainstream news portal devotes more space to the oscar in a day than to climate change coverage in the entire year?"

May I have the envelope, please?

Barbie Oscars

Djargo.

"I don't know which makes me happier: switching to natural gas to save money or watching the fight about fracking in order to get that gas."

Will Smith's Oscar

Finally. A home exercise system that really is a clothes rack!

"At an event some chick publicly badmouthed my husband. I didn't run on stage to knock the lady down because she was right."

'He's at the pinnacle, but not at the pinnacle of his PROFESSION.'

'We worship celebrity!' People bow down in front of a TV showing the academy awards.

Do something that takes your mind off smoking.

SUPER DREAMER

'So you won't be coming, Mother?'

"True, we could be soaring through the emerald corridors of sunset. What's your point?"

Meditating

Power of the dog

"I was awarded this Oscar for my presentation of an Oscar at the Oscars."