Ornament Collector T-Shirts

"Maybe we should cut back on those lawn catalogues."

'I just think you obvious post holiday high is a little unseemly.'

Men in garden with gnomes, "It's his day off"

Woman Rings Birdhouse Doorbell.

"I'm sure you'll grow into it, darling."

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

"You're on a what?!"

Ale. Mead. It's been a hard knight's day!

'I don't think I've ever heard of the Geezer Scouts or Geezer Scout cookies.'

Weapons of War Through the Ages.

Knight walking his pet armadillo.

Garden sprinkler in the form of a classical statue

Drunk Woman Sees Pink Elephants in her Garden.

'That's Renfrew -- he's in charge of high-risk portfolios.'

'After A Knights Hard Day'

"Interestingly no - these are vastly enlarged images of my three favourite chromosomes."

Bullets Bulls in the form of Bullets

'They say he wears half-inch armor.'

"O.K., but let's say you have up to six hundred intruders per minute."

'Are you admiring my embroidery, dear? To fully appreciate it you need these...'

Battle.

'HA, HA! See the way arrows are deflected off my brand new breastplate?'

A knight struggling to fit into his armour

'Okay dear, it's your turn to go stand in the front yard.'

Panzer Hut.

Sports Memorabilia. It's not an autograph. It's a drawing scribbled by Mickey Mantle. A Yankee doodle!

Ernie loves to decorate his Christmas tree. He starts by untangling and testing a string of lights. Every year he makes new popcorn and cranberry garlands. He has to find the right spot for each family heirloom ornament. Now, should I finish it off with Johnny Depp or Beyonce? Ernie has his own idea about putting a star on top!

"Let's not go to bed angry."

Next time I get to choose the weapon first.

Vladimir Putin offers Uncle Sam a bauble with Donald Trump's head on it.

Yuletide

Swiss Army General.

The Dead Sea Squirrels.

'You're an arms salesman?'

How many times do I have to remind you to empty your pockets before doing laundry?