Ornament Appreciator Gifts

Bird house envy.

"Maybe we should cut back on those lawn catalogues."

A child at a museum starts to pull the wrappings off a mummy.

Snapshots in Time

"The keep saying unrestored and what a nice PATINA, Ted. A better-sounding word for old tarnished stuff would be SCRINCH or SKRITCH, don't you think, eh, Ted?"

"Don't you sometimes worry that if they do give us our stuff back we'll lose some of the sense of grievance that's so crucial to our cultural identity?"

Authentic Rinkelmier chair (Built 1723)

Haunted museum

Future Candidates For "Colorization"

Garden sprinkler in the form of a classical statue

'Now, a real collectable to bid on: a signed first edition of The First History of the World.'

"Put another minnow on my line!"

"No this is timeless classic menswear appreciation. Hipster beatnik is Tuesday nights."

"Look, you asked me what my favorite book was and it just happens to be A Farewell to Arms."

"There's trouble, boys. Let's pants up and move out!"

"Careful now. It's fragile."

'Okay dear, it's your turn to go stand in the front yard.'

Mummy is alive at an Egyptian exhibit at a museum.

'Hey, we're in style!'

"I'll be grateful for the small things, and you can be grateful for the big things - that way, we'll have it covered."

'I just think we should start dating other artifacts.'

"I once dated an archaeologist - but all she kept doing was digging up the past. . ."

Blow Up Christmas Tree

Michelangelo's David

Tourist

Dueling marionettes.