Organized Crime Fiction Gifts

'Oh no, the Mafioso Kid is in town!'

"Looks like Lucky Louie wasn't the only one who screwed up.

'I wish you guys would grow up.'

Sherlock Holmes selling Sherlock Holmes.

"Talk, Wallace - where'd you hide the loot?"

"Pardon me, Vito, but I'm holding the talking stick now."

"Puss in cement boots"

It was my story. A murder mystery. A who-done-it-and-got-away-with-it-until-he-wrote-about-it.

"He was WOK-ing in a winter wonderland."

'I'm sure that the autopsy will confirm it was a suicide.'

The Philip Marlow family

'Mark my word, Walters, this is no ordinary virus.'

'Who was the murderer? Well Watson, that's the killer question.'

Fred Dinsdale - Forensic expert.

The Big Book of Suspicious Crawl Spaces

'The good news is your life sentence is about over.'

"You're not grandma at all! In fact, I think this is a case of identity theft!"

I always forget - Are we supposed to tip?

"My pawprints? Nah, I wore gloves. They matched my noseprints on the window."

'I don't care how you do it...just make it look like an accident.'

"I've been dumping bodies here for years, and it seems to me that the sea level is rising."

'So, in room 1 we sweat them. 2 is for grilling, 3 is for roasting. We leave them to simmer in room 4...'

Snow Crime

Man reading 'How not to get caught.'

"Damn it—I told them I was too well known for undercover work!"

"This, Yorik... Do you know him well?"

'This is a personal insult to me and my family. Paulie, word is you regifted that horse's head I gave you last month. . .'

"Let's just enjoy our holiday. The whole incident with your stalker is over now. We won't see him again."

"By Ned, you're right, inspector—the body has been moved."

"Say, Chief, any progress on the pencil case?"

Mafia Family Life: 'I'm sorry dear - but I had to bring some work home!'

"You probably would have gotten away with draining the bank account except for one mistake. . . you signed all the checks with the cat's name."

"Yes, I was using my mobile whilst driving... I was calling the police to tell them I was chasing a gang of bank robbers!"

"Undiagnosed serial killer"

'There's my place. Technically it's still a crime scene, but you're more than welcome to traipse through it.'