Organizational Culture Consultants Gifts

"Why do people around here get so agitated about stuff like yoghurt?" "It's the culture of the organisation"

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

'Asynchronous, collaborative, interactive - we're obviously on a roll.'

"Look at them smiling. They've reached their comfort zone."

"This is Briggs, our new department head. He's got an amazing knack for reducing complex problems into easy-to-understand witch hunts!"

The Department of Mystery - No one really knows who we are or what we do, including us.

"...But of course we'll still be friends on Facebook!"

'I think it's time to rein in Henderson.'

'He bowed lower for me than for you.'

'Ms. Snack, prepare the conference room for an executive sting.'

Zoo Inc. Management Structure

Illogic Tree

'We used to be a patriarchy, but lately we've been more goddess-centric.'

"I'm cutting out a complete layer of management."

Oog has invented the organization chart.

"Don't tell me you're not hungover, it's nine a.m. and you just clocked out."

Standardisation: "I don't understand...it fitted us OK!"

"I'm in my third day of trying to figure out which little square I am."

'So, Jim, they tell me you're good at compartmentalizing!'

'Who's that pathetic little one down there?'

Hierarchy with 'Me' at the top.

"We try to treat volunteers like regular members of staff, impossible workloads and no resources."

'Some executives have within them the seeds of greatness. Others are just seedy.'

Bureau of Missing Persons, "He works flextime and we have direct deposit, so it took me a few months to notice he was gone."

'Staff Recommendations Inc.'

"I'm sorry but we do not promote just for participation."

'Of course, at first, there was some resentment but now the chaps seem to have accepted things graciously.'

"I need you to look at the big picture, Boswell. Not the little one of my trophy wife."

'Lets see now, Henderson, you've not shown any initiative because nobody asked you to.'

"Congratulations J.L., I hear you're getting another 'really' in your title."

'I've organised the bathroom.'

Desk bins: Pretend it's not here, Hope it goes away, Delegate it.

"That's UGnuk, he's been here from the start."

"We're trying to create a caring, supportive environment. For money though, not people."