Order Disruptor Gifts

'I didn't know I was going to sneeze.'

'She wishes.'

"Here's what you wanted – a strategy to live abundantly, build capital, surpass your peers and disappoint your heirs."

"Move, Gary."

'before you say 'all this will be yours', I don't want it.'

"Our specials can also be accessed at www.todaysspecials.com."

"You must be the new guy!"

"Pawn to King Four."

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz - 'How did my life get this dull?'

"Nothing for me, thanks."

"I've decided to give up my day to day responsibilities."

'They tried to GAG her but they can NEVER stop her 'dance of neglect on the ward'!'

"I consider myself to be a counterproductive member of society."

Spoonfest

A man exits his house to a clapboard.

"How about one-ish? I love the way it sounds."

Texting or no texting?

"Voila!! For the Lady, Seafood Linguine, and I believe Sir ordered the Chef's Surprise?"

Blood Donors Wanted at Black Pudding Store.

"I left my boring dividends to fool around with capital appreciation."

"I started up a startup to start up more startups."

A dictator makes a speech, about to be doused with water.

Occupy crunch

'Ok, I've hacked into the NHS. Elsie Bartle had two sore throats in 1973; where do we go with that kind of data?'

"That's the first time he's ever done anything spontaneous!"

An angry engineer getting out of a train that has had to stop because a woman has taken some railroad ties out to build a flower garden in the middle of the tracks.

'Miss Jones, those pants have got to go. I can't have my secretary looking like a boy.'

TV Kill

'We'd like to share a haircut.'

'Would you mind jumping in further down please?'