Oratorical Humorist Gifts

Big Speech

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

They're Not Just That Into It

UK/US Free Trade Deal

"You're going to hate yourself."

Open mike night presents Sadie Cohen. Summer's almost over

No-Work Orange

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

Trump! The Musical

"...And do you Sean Spicer take Kelly Anne Conway..." "The marriage of alternative facts"

'Boy, watch out for that pursestring suture!'

Drink for me and my hot mamma. Now! We don't serve beer. Latte. Two, punk! Decaf. You don't want to see him angry. Also, low-foam and soy milk would be great. You don't want to see him gassy. Can I get one of those little Twizzler sticks to stir it with? Cube of brown sugar, please. And one nonfat blueberry scone! Two! I'd like to see how John Wayne would've ordered a fancy coffee drink.

Grim Reaper Buying CDs...

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

I've Always Wanted to Be Oppressed By Someone Who Looks Like Me

"A whack, whack here. A whack, whack there. Here a whack, there a whack. Everywhere a whack, whack."

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

"The regular Fox news commentator was canned for being too soft on Iran. I'm Dick Cheney."

"The Eggsorcist"

"...You talking to me? Well, I'm the only one here... You talking to me?!" "Narcissus De Niro"

The Forbidden Joyce Kilmer

Honest Vending

'He's downgrading the credit agencies.'

'Ms Simpson, I believe I've finally done it. I've written the Great American Memo.'

'Poll results are in...90% of Americans can't spell Schwarzenneger.'

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

"Don't worry, Miss. I'll soon get the hang of it."

'I'm no expert, but I think we're a little behind when it comes to the latest industry technology.'

Meet the author - celebrity autobiographies,

"William Blake said you can see the whole world in a grain of sand, but he doesn't always make a lot of sense."

Spot the Difference - God/Uncle Sam