Online Shopping Detective Gifts

Internet Shoplifting

"If you didn't order all the dog treats online, then who did?"

"That's odd. I visited an antibacterial soap website, and my computer got a virus."

Amazon Drones Delivering Babies

"Do you remember ordering 1,345 cans of tuna?"

Alternative Medicine

"Well - I've either bought a pack of table napkins, or adopted a Siberian tiger cub..."

"..Your analysis and medication would be perfect if you were a goat."

'See, dear, you can't believe everything you read. It says so right here on the internet!'

The new Physics

Your Entire Life Delivered To Your Door!

Says here the Navy's going to be patrolling the South China Sea. It could spark a history-changing war. Google tells me the last time a Naval conflict changed history, it was the Battle of Midway. You were alive at that time. How awesome was it to already be ancient when Midway happened? I never expected a question like that from a prepubescent stooge like you. Was it as awesome as when you saw Cleopatra lose at the Battle of Actium? I see you're bringing Google's a-game today.

Gracious, child...bubbling cauldrons of potions are old hat. I get mine over the internet, delivered frozen and ready for the microwave!

"Didn't I warn you about buying medication from the internet?!"

"We can do it on the net now... so it's off to the knackery for you."

Terms and conditions

Starbucks doubles its sales by devising a way to sell coffee over the Internet,

I'd like a second opinion on your self-diagnosis - So a random guy from the waiting room is googling your symptoms.

"I'm sorry, your grapefruit subscription ran out and I forgot to renew it."

"If this is secret information the government doesn't want us to know, how come we can read about it on facebook?"

Your basket: Gold. . .You may also like: Frankincense and Myrrh.

"What's the cheapest thing we can order and still get a box?"

"You get one every time you order something online."

You Shouldn't Have

"It looked different on the internet."

"They'll never guess how we stole their data."

The Evolution Of Man - Hunt and Gather/Point and Click

'Enough EBAY already!'

Click - 'View basket' - 'click' - 'Proceed to checkout.' - 'Con't untick box if you don't not want to not recieve e-mail marketing.' - 'Calm, Peel. Calm...' -

"I didn't hear the full story, but you came from either the stork or ebay."

"The tweet you posted last night struck a chord around the world, united all factions, and basically altered the course of humanity."

"It's just not the same."

'You have a harmless but highly irritating form of nervous disorder we call D.Y.I. - Diagnosing Yourself on the Internet.'

'Don't forget to delete cookies when you shop online!!"

The Darknet starts right here.