Online Presence Explorer Pillows

Social Death

"If it doesn't happen on Facebook, it didn't happen."

"I shop, therefore I am."

Online Dating

'We're out of earshot now, so you can drop the phoney, Oxbridge accent.'

'Those enormous worldwide internet communities.'

That must be my computer date... (Answers door to robot).

"Here's one, Matey! 'Must Love Parrots.'"

"I may have been the runt of the litter, but online I'm the alpha dog."

"I have a personal blog, therefore I am!"

"This sounds promising. . . dark brown hair, loyal, cuddly and good in bed."

"Your online profile says you like to foxtrot."

"Do you have a link I can click on that removes me from all future conversations with you?"

"That was before I found this amazing new way to earn $$$ working from home."

Computer spying.

"Today I'm going to search and scroll and swipe and binge."

"Social media makes it impossible to see, hear or speak no evil."

'Something that'll get me googled,'

"Have you considered vlogging?"

"This is a little embarrassing to admit, but everything that happens happens for no real reason."

'Today we learned if it ain't on Google, it ain't worth knowing.'

'It turns out it wasn't an Internet scam after all. It was just a really bad investment idea.'

'I blog, therefore I am.'

"Remember when we used to waste our entire lives for free?"

'These online fantasy worlds are great fun. I can be ‘Dave the Accountant' from Birmingham.'

"Mom, can we get a pet so I can use its name in answering a password security question?"

'And whenever I attempt cybersex, my computer freezes.'

"If you retweet it and you have '0' followers, was it retweeted?"

"What happened today? A bully hacked into the school electronic payments account and stole my lunch money."

'I'm just updating my Facebook profile.'

The world of interpersonal relationships was dealt a blow today when John Gray, author of Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, finally came out of the closet. In other news...

"Our specials can also be accessed at www.todaysspecials.com."

How do they know me so well?

Ewe Tube A Ewe checking out the sheep world's version of You Tube.

'My friend Andy is outside with his laptop. He wants to know if I can come out and blog.'