Online Food Review Buff Pillows

"Remember that little girl Goldilocks that hassled us about the porridge? She's now a big food critic on the internet!"

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"What do you suggest...the tuna fish or the peanut butter and jellyfish sandwich?"

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'

"Darling, you never let me see the side of you that pays."

"The food was o.k., but the atmosphere was terrible."

'If you order...You can digest it in...'

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

"We suggest you study the menu in our reading room before being seated in the dining room."

'...and one 'death by chocolate', Sir.'

"For the first half hour, I was, like, really there. Enchanted. But I found the wild-quail confit so disappointing that not even the fig reduction on the poached pear could get me back."

"Hey, waiter! This homework is burnt to a crisp!"

International House of Excrement

"And finally the chef's surprise - the check!"

"Wow!"

"I realize your steak was tough but you didn't have to make such a stink about it."

Vegetables VS Junk Food.

"How did I find my lamb chop? Well, I lifted up a roast potato and there it was."

"Well, what's your recommendation?"

"As your attorney, I advise you to assign blame, question motives, attack the media, THEN send your steak back to the kitchen."

Gingerbread man sits at desk marked food editor

'Are you ready to be patronised yet?'

'Sorry Sir, you've had enough,'

"You're right, Pierre, they are licking their plates."

-

Would you like something from the bar, miss? It looks like you might need it.

"At Hooters I'd already have three compliments on my tie!"

"This time, let's not just fill up on bread."

'In case of emergency, break glass.'

"Something photogenic for each of us."

"My compliments to Mummy!"

"Uncle Tod's Reviews"