Foodie Critic Pillows

'It turned out that if I gave up smoking, drinking and eating rich food I had a 36% greater risk of dying of boredom.'

"If only the aftertaste came first."

"Of course the chef ‘suggests’ it — it’s seventy-five bucks!"

"...and here's some I made earlier..."

'Waiter, I don't remember ordering this gristle!'

'Are you sure this is a good restaurant, Frank?'

"This rabbit pie, it's not like my mother used to make."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"Just bring me something that's going to look good on social media."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

"When I was your age. I was really smelly."

Cow's Last Will and Testament.

"You said the cauliflower is locally grown – would you elaborate?"

'Oh, and I suppose I'm the only one who's ever heard it's a 'dog eat dog world'?'

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

6 Brothers Falafel

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

Self Service Restaurant: 'Where do you keep the eggs?'

Newton discovers gravity and apple sauce in the same day.

#Thanksgiving #Nofilter

"War is hell and so is this soup."

"Rump roast?"

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

"Maybe if we added some pumpkin spice?"

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

"Something's wrong with the broccoli. Please take it back to the kitchen and have it genetically modified."

'Wait until you taste the artisanal water. It's not to be believed.'

'Needs salt!'

Pastry Hat

"All of tonight's specials dance around the whole GMO thing."

Kitchen Kapers