Online Dating Detective Gifts

'As you're a lawyer could you tell me how to sue a dating website for false representation.'

"Your profile didn't mention this."

Tired of dating people who misrepresent themselves online, Dirk began bringing a scale to every first date.

As Tina looked more closely at her online date, she began to doubt his claim that his photo was recent.

'Don't look now, Kevin. But I think you're being googled.'

"On the internet you said you were 32."

Right click for yes...

"We first met on the net. We began to court, but between my foul mouth and Wilson being on the rebound...let's just say it was a long shot, but he pressed, and I was defenseless. Now, we're as 'hoopy' as can be."

"I hope he has skeletons in his closet."

"I may be obsessive and I may be compulsive, but no way am I obsessive compulsive."

"You may now kiss the bride."

'Everybody on the internet now knows I'm a dog, so I'm pretending to be a cat.'

'I was attracted to you but your online photo, but now that I've seen you in High-Def...'

'I need someone who is willing to make a commitment not someone who's just interested in ruffling my feathers.'

"I'm not against going to couples therapy, but it feels weird to do it on a first date."

Horny Nanny Seeks Lonely Goat Herd.

"I don't remember him or the meal or what movie we saw. All I remember is I wore the right jeans."

"That's no death grimace, Perkins. I think what we're seeing is a 2.8 million-year-old tight smile of spousal event obligation!"

"You're not at all like your answering machine."

"It all happened so fast. I met him online three years ago."

'When it said in her profile that she's a cosmo girl, I had something entirely different in mind!'

"If someone winks a you forty or fifty times, are they coming on to you?"

"On the internet nobody knows you're a dog, but in person..."

"For once I'd like to go on a date where she made eye contact instead of iPhone contact."

"Before we take this any further, I'd like us to open about our internet history."

She's disappointed. Doctor Frankenstein's online dating profile simply says that he's a "body-builder."

"Now we'll see what my husband has to say about this!"

"I want someone whose inner pain is totally hot."

Body language interpreters - "He likes you and wishes to dance with you." "That's a get lost."

'I'm in trouble now, I told this cute little terrier that I was a pedigree and now she wants to see my kennel club papers'

"There's something you should know about me."

'My wife! The therapist we hired to help us reinvigorate our marriage!'

"I can tell when you're just kissing me to get some of my lip balm, Josh."

'You want to understand women?...I granted you a wish, not a miracle!'

'Girls! I won't understand them if I live to be six.'