Online Dating Coach Gifts

"If they say 'Rubensesque' in their profile, they mean they're a Botero."

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

'It was love at first sight, although he was very pixilated and I was out of focus'

Right click for yes...

"I met him on an online dating site. He was on their 'return' section."

"O.K. I'm just feeding in your personal details for a suitable match..."

"I hope he has skeletons in his closet."

"Is this Randy the Love Doctor?"

I really think I can handle this date on my own. Lemme ask you something. Would you trust me alone with a ybot 340? An Xbox 360? They changed the name? Okay. But you cannot hit on my date. I'm only here to help.

"We met through the personals. We both were seeking someone 'Rubenesque'."

'And she's got to have implants out to here.'

"I may be obsessive and I may be compulsive, but no way am I obsessive compulsive."

'Jane, cancel all my appointments for the rest of the week.'

"Take that mammoth back. It's not 'wooly' enough."

What Guys Say and What They Mean,

Kissable Frogs in Your Area

"Have you tried carbon dating?"

'I'm thinking the bee beard is the main reson that you're still single'

'He's a catch for any woman - there's so much to re-mould'

'Of all the women who responded to my dating profile, you had the best emoticon.'

"You may now kiss the bride."

"Here's one, Matey! 'Must Love Parrots.'"

'You wanted to go on a romantic outing. You're on a romantic outing.'

'Lost that loving feeling. If found, call 555-1234.'

'...Do you, Thomas, take Charleen as your wife, to love and cherish, for better of worse...use Rehab as may be needed...for as long as you both shall live?'

'Everybody on the internet now knows I'm a dog, so I'm pretending to be a cat.'

INTERNET MARRIAGE.

'I was attracted to you but your online photo, but now that I've seen you in High-Def...'

'What is that? Is that sarcasm?'

'Okay, but not in person -- I prefer on-line dating.'

"That whole internet dating thing....It killed me, I tell ya."

"Don't take this the wrong way, Howard, but I'd like to go back to having an on-line relationship."

"Everybody meets online these days."