Online Convenience Advocate Pillows

You'll require a better credit rating before we we can raise the limit on your card.

"Well the good news is that we did save a little money by not investing in cyber crime protection...."

"So, you want me to go all the way back to the kitchen just to get you a menu...? Couldn't I just give you a link to our, online menu?!"

"Good old Frank. He was always thinking of others."

"... with a side of brown rice, right. And can the delivery guy stop at the pharmacy and pick up my prescription?"

King uses drawbridge as wheelchair ramp to his van.

The Government is now following you...

"Harold died happy knowing he gained a certain immortality through social media."

"When I was young, we made statements using signs and marches!"

'Sure, you can communicate with him. He's also hooked up to the Internet.'

Why god isn't listening...

Uptight Fishing...'we put the bait on for you'

Perpetrator of a daring daylight illegal electronic transfer of funds fleeing the scene of the crime.

'Give me the name of your first girlfriend, first car, and first pet!'

Herring Impaired

"Making your own potions is old fashioned. I order mine online and pop it into the microwave!"

Fortunately there are still some honest social media profiles...

Drive-thru Flu Clinic.

"Before you go through the gates of heaven think back to the early days of the internet. Did you ever visit or post anything homophobic, racist or sexist? Tell me now or I will find out."

The Off-line Store

"I didn't have time to take him to the dog trainer. Luckily, they have an online course."

'It looks like a sad individual hunched over a computer, but apparently it's people power.'

"I applied for the right to be forgotten."

Remote control heart monitor.

"But I don't need to take swimming lessons. I did an online course."

I haven't seen Uncle Mort lately. Are you serious? How could you miss him? Ever since Youtube started demonetizing channels left and right, it's been driving independent content creators out of business. Your uncle's out front trying to get people to sign a petition to save his favorite show. "Oatmeal News" told us what the incontinence industry didn't want us to hear about staying regular!

"I told you we need the internet. We can't organize a revolution with sticky notes!"

'Remember when you needed a can opener to open a can of whoop ass?'

Drive-in dentist.

'Whenever I get on the Information Superhighway, somebody FLASHES me.'

The only guy left who's not online.

Ask Me about my Break from Social Media

Man with head in The Cloud gets excited.

"What this world needs is a Facebook with admission standards."

"Now customers must prove they're not robots by checking the boxes of people making deposits."