Online Connectivity Enthusiast Pillows

I heard nearly 5,000 people wished you a happy birthday back whenever your birthday was. How does it feel knowing your 5,000 Facebook "friends" you've never actually met remembered your birthday, but none of us real people did. Wound, meet salt. Real people are clearly overrated.

'What we've got here is a failure to communicate.'

Wifi in Hell

"They want to put up a new cell tower in our neighbourhood?! We don't need more of those radio emission eyesores here! I'm gonna complain... ...as soon as I have better signal strength."

'I solved the problem of dead zones on my cell phone with a personal satellite,'

"Your MBA and PHD are impressive but what concerns me is your low number of Facebook friends."

Addicted to Facebook...lost internet connection.

'I don't understand. You've wasted the whole interview going on and on about what you know... I think you'd better start telling me who you know.'

"I consider every member of our family to be like family."

"I'm being heavily recruited by several other companies."

"Never mind the sea, does it get wi-fi?"

I work for a not for profit business. Mind you, two years ago it was a 'for profit' business.

"Phil's an expert networker. One drink and he's on schmooze-control."

"Good old Frank. He was always thinking of others."

"Don't take this the wrong way, Howard, but I'd like to go back to having an on-line relationship."

Exposed Intimacy Safety Vulnerability Hidden Enmity

'I didn't have a glass ceiling I had to break through... I had a golf course I had to conquer.'

And elevator with 'up', 'down', and 'pitches' buttons

'How do I get people to visit my...'

A Highly Networked Staff

"Yeah, this many ways to contact her if I'm lost might be overkill."

Primordial Schmooze

'So, summing up: we 'like' you and you 'like' us.'

"I see you had the foresight to like us on facebook."

'look at my new business cards! The old ones weren't big enough for all my information.'

Media Darling.

Looks like all your Facebook friends sent you holiday greetings cards.

"He's networking again!"

'Ah, Mr. Collins? We are friends on Facebook, but I can't remember why.'

Even though we have to keep our distance...

"Jessica tells me you have a Twitter following in the six figures."

Internet Name Tags.

"I'm so sorry, there is nothing I can do for him anymore...he must have been offline for at least 10 hours..."

'Name tag's up here, Ma'am - I'm from the Cattlemen's Delegation.

'Slow Connection'