One-man Show Fans Pillows

"My one-man band is breaking up."

Xena: Warrior Princess, TV star, professional volleyball player.

Applause

Theatre Crowd

"The Just Me Band"

'Because it was there, Dave, because it was there.'

"So—who are you angry at currently?"

"I'm so looking forward to the weekend, there's a show on: We're going to be pampered and they'll put lovely ribbons in our manes..."

'You know things are screwed up when people take late-night comedians seriously and politicians as a joke.'

Clive Anderson

"You'll regret saying that, I'll get my own back in tomorrow's performance - you'll never work again!"

"And now, with apologies to Cole Porter."

"Hey. Where the hell's my harmonica?"

"Thanks Dave. I don't know about you folks, but I can feel it coming in the air tonight."

Life stripped bare

"Now that I can watch whatever I want, whenever I want, my life has no structure."

'Sorry, viewers, I was going to show you one I made earlier but it's been scoffed by the second assistant sound engineer.'

Good Morning Britain has just achieved something previously thought impossible...by making Piers Morgan the most likeable man on screen.

'We've run out of one-man plays - why not make it up with the rest of the drama group?'

'I stopped watching Sesame Street the second I found out it was educational.'

Tommy Cooper

Ostrich TV.

"How about that! Wanda, you also landed on cheese."

Ronni Ancona.

Richard Hammond.

Intramission

"This i why I always dress in bright colors."

One Man Band

'If we lose the malpractice lawsuit, we can always sell it to the Bloopers Channel.'

'I'm no Einstein, but I play one on TV!'

Kylie Minogue.

Baby in carrier is watching TV on dad's back.

Waiting room scene and signs that say 'Dr. Ooze's Clinic - As seen on TV.'

"Why are these reality show stars so famous? They're sneaky! They're conniving! They're evil!"

Waiting for the fat lady to sing.