Older Relative Pillows

Glass/Cans/Geriatrics.

'I'll see your diuretic and raise you three anti-depressants.'

"Forget the future, tell me what happened to the past ten years."

"We're not accusing you of abusing the system, but I understand you've been on Social Security for 150 years."

Speed Dating.

"What's the name of the drug I've been taking to improve my memory?"

Elderly people lose friends to the pandemic

"We each get nine random cards and place them like this. Then I deal a card and if it matches one of your cards, you turn it over. When you get three in a row...you tell 'bingo'!"

"You kids want something to eat?"

'Grandpa always puts his hand over his mouth when he sneezes- He'd hate Carol Vordemann to see his teeth fall out!'

'She knew we'd try to talk her-out of it.'

Granny on a racer, "I wish these old maids cycling to communion would keep off the pavement."

The Grim Reaper's Robe

Old woman on a stair lift to Heaven

'I never knew there was a green crayon font.'

'I never watch educational television. I guess I'm old fashioned. If I want to learn something, I listen to the radio.'

"Electricity isn't as good as it used to be"

"Who called who never calls" "What's in the freezer? It's half a loaf of rye bread" "Fun quiz! When are you getting married? Page 12." "Top ten pieces of furniture to wrap in plastic"

"I imagine at your age, you attend a lot of funerals, Sadie."

"Your funeral program. Y'know . . . for whenever."

"They don't transform into anything, they just get older and more conservative."

"Rouse yourself, Weintraub! The miniskirt is back!"

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"I've just been offered a job sorting out the Y1K bug.."

"I think I've reached that age when I don't remember if I've forgotten something."

'I'm ninety-two! Tell me what I'm doing wrong... I dare you!"

'Dewey! Grandpa's stuck again. Give him a couple of whacks upside the head.'

"Oh indeed I did: I went feral for a year when I was young. It taught me a lot about the world, but about myself too..."

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk -- he's kind of a starter kit.'

"I never thought turning eighty would be so much fun!"

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

"Remember back in the day when I was a real heartbreaker?" "Riiight... now the only thing you break is wind."

"Either we spend millions on new technology to erase each agent's memory following a sensitive assignment, or we just start hiring people over fifty."