Old-school Ranter Pillows

"I'm old school. Instead of ranting on social media, I just scream in people's faces."

"Remember back in the day when I was a real heartbreaker?" "Riiight... now the only thing you break is wind."

Old rocker.

"You never told me your dad was so delightfully old-fashioned."

'This is a wind-up, isn't it?'

'I'm old enough to remember when smiley faces were right side up.'

"Midtown Vinyl. Vintage albums + EPs. Midtown Ink. Vintage books + newspapers."

'There's no delete key. You have to use the board eraser.'

"I put my faith in coal. Because there’s no fuel like an old fuel."

(First signs) (A half loaf of bread, ... a jug and a half of wine, and thou beside me.)

"Everybody meets online these days."

'Do you know what I miss? - Chalk talks!'

Abacus.

"Oh, he's so romantic."

"'CPD'...stuff and nonsense, the old ways are fine for me, now pass me a hammer. I need to put this patient out!"

Peace on Earth

"I'd like to make a return."

The Club

How can you read that comic strip Blondie? Its about a kinder, simpler time. It's about ancient history. They do the same material over and over. Exactly. I can count on it. Not like your stupid Pearls and Get fuzzy. Oooh, look how angry and edgy they are. They're sooo clever! Your whole gig is being angry and edgy. Look, I'm setting Candorville on fire.

"The social conservative in me tells me to pay for dinner, but the fiscal conservative thinks we should split it."

"He refuses to watch the NEWs - living as he does, in the past."

"Eugene is retro. He thinks everything was better in low-def and black and white."

'Beat it! I've got a computer!'

'Me' Weekly

"Don't believe him, boss. It's a trick."

"We don't let computers mess up your medical records. We do it by hand."

"I would rather you not email me your answer!"

Private Phone Calls

"I might be a caveman, but I love to give you chocolates on Valentines Day."

"Gracie, I'm proud of you for reading the newspaper."

"I'll shoot you an email."

Keith Richards

Tuesday is drunken rant night. The noncommissioned officer is the backbone of this man's army!!!

'This doesn't leave much room for creativity.'

Mort, sweetie, it's time for our lunch date. Can it wait? I'm in the middle of a rant. Why, that's no problem at all. In fact, I'd like to add something. But of course, my petunia. If I don't eat soon, Mort will never get another smooch! Who needs world order, really Another victory for Lip Gloss Diplomacy.