Old-school Humor Enthusiast Gifts

Passages in the Life of a Volunteer

"Er – if you young people don't mind, I have a few things to do now. Perhaps you have a hotel or somewhere to go?"

'I'm so happy I could help you with your allergy to snakes, Miss Medusa!'

'Which one of you told Glurk to stretch before running?'

History of Cartooning.

You can't get what up

"He reports to Grand Central Palace tomorrow."

'I hunt and I gather. I invented multitasking.'

"They got me for pillaging. How about you?"

'You must have misunderstood, dear -- I'm sure they don't sell old generals at government auctions!'

'...please switch of all mobile phones, paging devices and alarm watches...'

"Let that breathe a little. But not too much. My last bottle hyperventilated."

A man selling a horse to an older lady

'Too cheap to buy me real flowers, huh?'

The Enemy

"We brought him into oversee our millennium menu...he did such a good job on the last one"

"I hate to sound like a sergeant, Ralph, but it's ten minutes to six."

Washington Crossing the Delaware, Having Been Invited to Join the Faculty at Princeton

'Don't believe everything you read.'

Fun on the pyramids

"No, now all of out pillaging is done electronically from a centralized office."

'See? I've got a rock AND a stick! -- I've invented MULTITASKING!'

"Keep an eye on Old Bound Volume of Harpers. He's on the make."

Have you ever sued anyone for slander or libel, Randy? Indeed I have, little buddy. It was 1979. Francis Melba stood up in the middle of the cafeteria and accused me - in front of all the other kids - of being "nothing special." So I stood atop my table, ripped my shirt in two, slowly smoothed out my mustache, and then proceeded to flex my pecs, one at a time. HOJ. The sunlight streaming in through the windows scattered off my bouncing pecs like a disco ball. That's when Melba knew he was toast.

'My mom invented baths!'

The Height of Impudence.

'Rona Lisa

"I'd like to donate my body to comedy."

Not what he meant.

A rake jumps from a window onto a horse

Mother Hubbard 2011

Thatcher's child

"When was this license issued?"

"What a pity! Mr Grogan took it on the lam not more than five minutes ago."

The hangman's badinage