Old-school Conversationalist Gifts

'When my phone broke, we stopped texting and started talking again. I couldn't get a new phone fast enough.'

'My parents are old fashioned. We can't have social media at the dinner table. We're expected to actually talk.'

'Yak, yak, yak.'

"First, I sent a rocket of a drive down the fairway, then I took the 7-iron, put that ball on the green...a hundred and eighty yards if it was an inch..."

"I disagree — I think humans are funny."

Pet Shop - Parrot labeled as 'Good Listener'

Remember my mum? I took that photo a week before she died. There's one of me...that was a good haircut.

"Oui, c'est bon. It is, how you Americans say, 'Magically Delicious'."

'This is a letter opener, from the days before faxes and email. I just sold it online after I listed it as a vintage communication device.'

"Do you mind if I bounce something off you?"

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

Philosopher's pub with 24 hour thinking.

"Every single day, guys ask you for advice about women, work, sports... Haven't you ever even heard of the law of supply and demand?. . .I'd be glad to steer the downtrodden and the forlorn your way for a mere 82% of the man-to-man-talk fee."

"I devote most of my time to defending the bastions of culture."

"Frankly, I just want to talk about how great I am non-stop and uninterrupted for 50 minutes every week on a long term basis."

"But if I don't learn handwriting, how will I be able to read Grandma's letters?"

"I don't mind emotional trauma if I can turn it into a really funny anecdote."

Mobile Phones, "Now we are together we will proceed to the business of the day."

'I've found taking a sip of another table's wine is an effective conversation starter.'

"It was a slow day - my pedometer says I only put in 1, 273, 426 steps."

'He hacked it off because the women in his weekly painting group never stopped gassing!'

A lesson in wit

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

"Have you ever actually seen a chicken cross the road?"

Person talks on phone as other blogs.

'It's funny - I'm a Bourbon, but I've always preferred Scotch.'

'...can you tell me how to blame Obama for all that?'

95 Theses That Will Blow Your Mind!

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

'No idea. He's been there for as long as I can remember.'

'Dang it! The gals out here leave little to a feller's imagination.'

'The secret is to invite good talkers and good listeners and a good laugh track.'

"Bob's into politics. Date Night is more like Debate Night."

'But enough about me...Let's talk about you!'

'Back in 1956 you were the youngest Briton to cover the Hungarian uprising. You are presently writing your memoirs in Sardinia. First question: how do you feel about the sorry state the London Underground is in?'