Old-fashioned Humorist Pillows

"I'm not very tech-savvy. I only recently learned that 'call or click' doesn't involve castanets."

'Hurry, wipe it off before Dad comes home!'

Apples for sale

Vlad the Impala

1599: Shakespeare's Agent knew what the public wanted

Mount Olympus Brewery. Those might be dangerous to open. They're Pandora's Bocks.

"No. I can't 'let it out a bit'. It's armour, you'll just have to go on a diet!"

"There's only one 'L' in colosseum."

'We might make more progress if we try working as a team.'

"I'd say this pair of sixes beats your hand."

"We're having one heck of a time building that trapezoidal thing of yours..."

"Can Olaf come out to pillage and plunder?"

Name one serious woodworker who doesn't use state of the art kit. Thomas Chippendale.

"When are they going to change the 'feature'?"

'The wheel was easy, the owner's manual is hard!'

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Dead Cat Crown Jewels

'On second thought, let's try it the other way around... My head on a lion's body.'

"Yours is adjustable?"

Stonehenge Explained

Two Men Discuss Ministers.

"You're stealing from the rich and selling it to the poor on Craigslist?"

The wooden clothes horse of Troy.

'I like the history professor but I think he's mired in the past.'

"After grad school, and before joining Wall Street, I decided to travel a bit."

'Sorry guys... budget cuts !'

"Of course, I'm perfectly willing to pay my income tax, but I stayed home all day on the fifteenth, and nobody came."

'It's not as easy as you think - saddle sores, bursitis in the shoulder, pigeons...'

Whistler's Great-Great-Great-Great-Great Grandson

"'Tis the story of a woeful refugee... ...whose plight has been forgotten. An admirable, amiable sort is he... but boy is he downtrodden. With courage of the kind you rarely see, he defended this land, when Redcoats invaded over land and sea, peck their knees and hands. And how did America repay this debt it owed its forest bird? Did you put our noble visage on the national seal as we would have preferred? No... You ate us. Just like the British did. I really think that it's the least you can do

'Well, if he can't be a Minuteman, he can be a minutedog.'

"The Taco is good on the trail but where do I put the drink?"

"What if Newton came up with a different idea from a fallen apple."

Great Moments in Computing #192: Newton discovers the computer.

After the gun ban, the guys still liked to go out and horse around on weekends.

"He doesn't suffer fools gladly."