Old Age Pillows

"Leave me alone. I'm deciding who to leave out of my will."

"Why would I do that? We don't talk now."

'I exercised all my life. Took my vitamins, watched my diet, and where did it get me? A major illness at one hundred and four.'

Darby and Joan zimmer frame tandem

Grim Reaper goes grocery shopping

'I can see much grief, suffering and misfortune ahead - and you'll always be dogged by extremely bad luck - but, the good news is you're going to live to a very old age!'

'Honey, its for you.'

Senior astronaut.

'Living 900 years is all right, but your great-great-great-great-great-great- grandchildren never come to visit.'

"I don't care that your post got 53 'likes'. The world doesn't need to know about my prostate."

"When I die, I'd like to die having sex..."

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

"Your contents have shifted."

"Gimme a large cheeseburger, regular fries and a diet root beer!"

Pinocchio's Second Realization

'There's old Jim off to the shops. Slowed down a lot these days, ain't he.'

"Why bother?"

"The answer to bone loss is to bury them deeper.'

'I've been called some mean things as a baby boomer, but 'Pig in the Python' really hurts.'

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."

Gary turns 40.

Inside One's Memory Bank

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

'Almost everything I have hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work!'

"The doctor thinks I need a hearing something or other."

'I must be reaching that age! I can't get my ozone layer up anymore!'

Every so often, Madeline gets carried away.

Treat Dispensers for the Middle-Aged

'I'm into New Age. My new age is 26.'

"I really have to exercise more. I went from yelling 'Fore' in my 20's, to yelling 'Wow' in my 30's, to yelling 'Ow' in my 50's."

'I'm not in shock, my eyebrows are just receding with my hairline.'

"I don't know who you are!"