Officiant Pillows

"And do you both promise to believe you can be better than all the other married couples you've ever seen?"

"'Better or worse' and 'richer or poorer' are NOT choices."

A Reasonable Time for Concern

I'll take that as an 'I Do' then...

"...and if anyone here suspects that the algorithm that put these two together might be flawed, speak now..."

'I pronounce you a gay couple in a civil union filing seperate tax returns under IRS rules.'

'And do you promise to be the one out of two marriages that does not end in divorce.'

'...and do you take this pre-nup...?'

"Bride or Groom?"

"The couple will now exchange vows they wrote themselves, because I guess mine weren't good enough, but, whatever, let's see what you've got."

"How much worse?"

We're getting married!

"Do you both promise not to call the police because of domestic violence more than three times a month?"

"Yes ... no!"

"...as long as there are no hiccups on the way."

'And do you, Desiree, take plan B to be your lawfully wedded...'

Double Wedding

'With this ring...'

'... and do you promise to love Angela, more than she loves you?'

'I bet you could walk down the aisle blindfolded now,eh,Gloria?'

"Hold on—I'm getting information as to why these two should not be wed."

'Never mind singing it in rap... a simple 'I do' will suffice.'

'Are you looking at my bride?!'

"I'm convinced...we've both been married one too many times!"

"[Ashes to ashes, dust to dust... oh, wait... my bad... I now pronounce you man and wife.]"

"Let me remind you you're both under oath."

'Isn't that cute...they're texting their vows.'

"Why all the questions? Just get on with it."

"I'm afraid it's 'I do' ... not 'Undo'."

Dearly beloved...

"And now, Marla and Dave will text their own vows."

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'

"...and are you, Jessica, committed to this bit?"

"Woah! Where's it say that?"

"Will you listen to the same three anecdotes until one of you dies?"