First Officer Pillows

"If I'm vaporized, you two will be the obvious suspects."

Servicemen.

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'This one's for marrying him, and this one's for raising the kids.'

A desert island with a knotted palm tree

The Dubloon Stops Here

"And now, Marla and Dave will text their own vows."

'All those in favor of having anchovies on our pizza will signify by saying aye.'

Sailor in Car.

Kid to mom: 'Tell me again about the time you helped fortress a city, subdue hostile fire and got home and baked us all raspberry strudels.'

Decorated officer - 'And these are for keeping my pants up.'

"Hey, dad. We wanna play army before we go to bed. Can we have our toy medals back?"

"Will you listen to the same three anecdotes until one of you dies?"

'Never mind singing it in rap... a simple 'I do' will suffice.'

In a cycle - one bucket out, one bucket in.

'You can come down a peg. Mesopotamia gave the world bureaucracy, you know.'

'Well, it wasn't my lucky day... first there was that shark and then I bimped into a bunch of beaver!'

'Any wilderness skills besides making smores?'

Wedding disaster #27.

'General, please hire large armies of foreign mercenaries to complete the works of death, desolation and tyranny.'

'At ease, soldier.'

'Trust me, you're not going to need an alarm clock.'

Subwoofer

Family Salutes as Father Comes Home.

"I tell you, I don't like the looks of it."

"I'm returning home triumphant - do you need me to pick anything up?"

'How long have you operated multi-engines, sailor?'

"This is Mr Jones, the new Head of our Holding Company."

"Captain, we've taken on strippers."

The General's Cat: 'Always vigilant!'

"Yes ... no!"

A Reasonable Time for Concern

"How can you feel queasy, we're barely out of port."

'Carry on sailor, just keep swimming around the coast and stick your head up now and again.'

You can't fool all of the people all of the time, especially with our advertising budget.