First Officer Pillows

"If I'm vaporized, you two will be the obvious suspects."

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Servicemen.

A desert island with a knotted palm tree

The Dubloon Stops Here

"And now, Marla and Dave will text their own vows."

'This one's for marrying him, and this one's for raising the kids.'

'All those in favor of having anchovies on our pizza will signify by saying aye.'

Sailor in Car.

Kid to mom: 'Tell me again about the time you helped fortress a city, subdue hostile fire and got home and baked us all raspberry strudels.'

In a cycle - one bucket out, one bucket in.

'Never mind singing it in rap... a simple 'I do' will suffice.'

Decorated officer - 'And these are for keeping my pants up.'

"Will you listen to the same three anecdotes until one of you dies?"

'Well, it wasn't my lucky day... first there was that shark and then I bimped into a bunch of beaver!'

'General, please hire large armies of foreign mercenaries to complete the works of death, desolation and tyranny.'

'You can come down a peg. Mesopotamia gave the world bureaucracy, you know.'

'Any wilderness skills besides making smores?'

'At ease, soldier.'

'Trust me, you're not going to need an alarm clock.'

Subwoofer

Family Salutes as Father Comes Home.

The General's Cat: 'Always vigilant!'

"This is Mr Jones, the new Head of our Holding Company."

"Yes ... no!"

"I'm returning home triumphant - do you need me to pick anything up?"

"Captain, we've taken on strippers."

'How long have you operated multi-engines, sailor?'

A Reasonable Time for Concern

"How can you feel queasy, we're barely out of port."

'And do you promise to be the one out of two marriages that does not end in divorce.'

You can't fool all of the people all of the time, especially with our advertising budget.

'Carry on sailor, just keep swimming around the coast and stick your head up now and again.'