Office Worker Appreciates A Laugh Gifts

"Is the information fresh?"

'AT&T? I'm letting you go. I'm down-sizing too!'

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

'Hey! I sad, 'You've got mail!''

'Miss Finch, find out what she does over there and offer her twice as much to do it over here.'

"Well, let's quickly put Ken's incredibly incendiary remarks behind us and hopefully continue the discussion in a simmering rage."

"Looks like our days at the think tank are numbered."

Research and Development: Now, Never.

'Boss, it seems like a friendly text, but you've got to learn to read between the emoticons.'

Dog to hirer: 'I'm a mongrel, and I'll work like one.'

"I think I see a miscreant in the carpark. There's no time to call the police I must deal with it myself."

"To be clear you are willing to labor under misconceptions?"

'Wow, I sure got a lot of mail today!'

'Now you see, that's EXACTLY what we should try to avoid here.'

"Look, I can still fit into the suit I wore during the last paradigm shift."

'Being taller than me will get you nowhere.'

"I have to be honest: the job you're applying for is a real no-brainer. Are you sure you're OK with that?"

"I've been kept on hold so often, I'm really developing a taste for easy listening music."

'I'm happy to report our use of air sickness bags has declined sharply since we quit serving meals.'

'It's easy for you to climb the corporate ladder, you just lay your eggs and leave: No need for Maternity Leave!'

We only have two things to fear - fear itself and someone getting a look at our books.

"I now represent both death and taxes."

"Good: I see you're fluent in nonsense."

Desk boxes: 'In', 'Out', and 'What ever'.

"Let's try one with your hand tucked into your shirt."

'He's busy right now. I have to put you on hold. Would you like to hear show tunes, classical or easy listening?'

Scene from an early draft of Moby Dick

'Your good work leaves me in a splendid position. Isn't that enough reward for you?'

"It happened either over the weekend or when I left the office today for lunch."

"I apologize, sir, but I'm having trouble finding a technician willing to come out and remove the insidious fire creature from your computer."

'Hey, when you announce pay cuts like these, you've got to expect a few howls of protest!'

"Miss Crutchfield, have you gone mad?"

'A bit of shush please, I'm about to write them a damn stiff memo!'