Office Party Veterans Gifts

"I never know what to do with my hands at a party"

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

"This position has become very important to the company."

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

'That's our mission statement.'

'Yes, I know there's a deadline on this project.'

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"

21st century water cooler conversations.

'The efficiency expert's recommendation is we drink more coffee!'

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

'No, your guess isn't as good as mine.'

"Don't forget to leave me a wakeup call so I can get the worm!"

"The meeting will come to order."

'I've learned a lot about myself at these meetings...like, I can fall asleep with my eyes open!'

Here and There Trays

"Ok, do we agree the minutes of the last meeting?"

That shows business confidence.

"I drink just enough coffee to make me think I can do my job."

'They sold the company in 2001? I was wondering why things were slow.'

"That report on corporate redundancy... I'd like it in triplicate."

Party Animals.

Sign - Halt manager crossing

"The good news is that we do have a little wiggle room."

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

Gerry, there are more accurate ways of balancing the petty cash.

'I guess every team needs a creative renegade.'

Forlornaments: Tools to drain individual and team spirit

"If you could be in any cubicle, which one would it be?"

"If Google Translate is correct, they want our women and our cattle."

'We're just like family. Stop mumbling, Cindy. Straighten up, Fred. Get that hair out of your eyes, Janet...'

"The meeting will last until lunch, or hell freezes over, whichever is longer."

'Office Woofers. For the quiet and obnoxious boss.'