Office Managers Gifts

'You're both so qualified, so I've decided, this only fair way to choose a new secretary - whoever can grab this banana first!'

"No need to remind me. I'm well aware that I've forgotten completely about you."

'According to the budget, we'll have to count on body heat to keep the offices warm.'

'Remember, we're all in this together - except for Purvison, who will take all the blame.'

"Briggs is running our stress at work assessment."

"All those in favour say 'aye'."

"Where we lack in productivity is made up by extremely low employee turnover."

"In these challenging times we all have to make sacrifices. . . And you're MINE."

"The firm is implementing a new policy on staff consultation, and devolved decision-making. How do you think we should manage the five-year IT integration and hardware acquisition policy?"

"I think we need to revisit our packaging policy."

'There's a hole in the women's restroom wall!', 'I have some men looking into it.'

'Excuse me, Mr. Pavlik, but that gentleman you called an idiot is here. Should I still say you're not in?'

'I'm sorry, Grizwell; but we no longer consider you a necessary evil.'

"He doesn't seem to be accepting retirement too well."

Profits are down, staff morale is in freefall and we haven't kept control of costs...but it's not all bad news..."

"People are ALWAYS moaning about excessive paperwork."

'Fired - for gross incompetence. I totally get the gross part, but incompetent?!'

"Your transfer comes with a bonus - 40 acres and a mule."

"We welcome our first female employee - to make you feel more comfortable, we put some feminine hygiene products by the water cooler for you!"

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

Whats ticking away in YOUR filing system?

A paperwork machine spews endless paperwork

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

"Marshall, somewhere out there, just waiting for us, is a loophole in the system."

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

IN box...OUT is wastepaper basket on fire.

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

'I'm glad you guys could work this out in a reasonable manner.'

Man to realtor: 'How much for a starter cubicle?'

Businessman on stilts: 'I had to step over a lot of people to get where I am today.'

(oil - petroleum - gushing out of inkwell)

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

Out and In.