Office Gourmet Gifts

'Wow!! Do I ever like the flavour of the month!!'

'I'm going to have to call you back, I have a full plate right now.'

'You're taking this desk dining a bit too far, Thomson...'

Power lunch loses its punch when counting calories.

"I get a fresh food kit delivered for lunch. All I need to do is chop, cook, and enjoy!"

'I want to make a positive environmental statement - What do you suggest I order?'

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

'I'm a vegetarian.' - 'If it's so wrong to eat animals, why are they made out of meat?'

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

It turns out they don't go together so well,

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

The Main Types of Cheese

Too much cilantro

'I go to St. Patrick's Church, I go to St. Patrick's School, and my name is Patrick. Is it also necessary for me to eat green food?'

To do before Saturday...

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

"Grass...Grass and more damn grass... What I wouldn't give for a lightly poached Dover sole with a garlic infused tarragon sauce."

"This is locally grown and good for the environment, but it may give you greenhouse gas."

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

Holiday Supplies

Cheese

'Is this still America?'

"I'm afraid it's not cheese, it's 'cheese-like'."

"I use broccoli rabe as a litmus test."

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"