Office Comfort Gifts

Ideal Office: 'Desk with mattress top (adjusts to the shape of the head and arms)...Office chair collapses to form bed...

"It certainly is a comfortable chair, but I still don't think it's the answer to our teacher retention problem."

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

'Noticeboard? I forgot it was there to be honest.'

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

"My email is down... talk to me."

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

"I wonder if A.I. will inevitably become as tired and depressed as we are."

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

'The check is in the email attachment.'

'I'll be late for dinner, dear. I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

'Finally! A meeting with one of the bigwigs.'

'That's our mission statement.'

In basket-case.

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

IN box...OUT is wastepaper basket on fire.

'I have a plan 'B' but that's also dependent on a working projector bulb.'

Man to realtor: 'How much for a starter cubicle?'

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

"I don't like getting bogged down in details. I'm more of a big-picture guy."

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"

"Worst case of month-end burnout I ever saw."

'The BOSS sent me down to help rebuild your faith.'

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

'Joe took the day off to go to the ball game. So I'll be sitting in for him until he gets back. Would you like me to fetch you something?'

'I hate leaving work when I feel I could have delegated more.'