Office Animal Gifts

"I know I'm being patronized, But I Can't help it. They say 'Good Boy' and my tail just wags."

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

"Yes Sir, I'm still working on the 'ins and outs' of their proposal."

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

"He might not have got the job with Google, but they weren't going to stop Brian skateboarding to the office."

Overworked in the office

'Office Woofers. For the quiet and obnoxious boss.'

In many ways this is the perfect job! Out. Out.

"Quick, Lassie, go get I.T.!"

'Will you kindly remind the rest of the staff that I'm the managing director - not the Godfather!'

Lumbar support animal

Presentation: Thinking each other are idiots.

"Well, all the symptoms of just another typical case of burnout, I'm afraid."

Crane operator Jimmy Morrison liked to break in new guys by giving them what he called a 'sky wedgie.'

'How did the 'I want you all to take a pay cut or leave' strategy go down?'

'We feel it's very important to provide our employees with an extremely comfortable work-place environment. Primarily because we don't allow them to ever go home.'

'I can't give you a raise, a promotion or a bigger office, but I AM going to allow you to have a personality.'

"You're new here ... it's customary on dismal Monday mornings to be miserable."

"What's the problem? We told you when you started you'd have to make some sacrifices."

"Unless one is a humorist, Haskins. One should avoid attempts at humor."

The vice-president in charge of sincerity

'Would you all please congatulate...'

'Yes, we do have an incentive scheme.We call it 'continued employment'.'

'I recognize the face ... I just can't pin down the name.'

'I didn't come in to hear that I'm burning the candle at both ends. I came for more wax.'

''A desk job.' That's what they called it at the interview.' 'Same here.' 'SHH!'

Stop saying 'You're the boss' I KNOW I'm the boss!

'I understand they specialize in acquisitions.'

It's all fixed. Just don't type anything that contains the letter ‘E'.

'It's easy, Greg. Just get in touch with your inner regional sales manager.'

InIn by-products.

'Tell your boss we represent an independent watchdog committee.'

"He treated associates like he treated his plants."

If you really need permanent staff for IMMEDIATE cover then we could pull out all the stops and get someone by next October.