Offbeat Comedy Collector Gifts

'Can I have your autograph...?'

Occu-Pie Mars

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

'Are you finished eating yet, sweetie?...Guess that answers THAT question!'

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

Build your very own conflict of interest!

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

'What did one flea ask the other?' 'Shall we walk or take the dog?'

'Bert's dog training.'

"It's a letter from the Vatican. They say that whilst walking the streets without stepping into dog poo is nearly as miraculous as walking on water, it's not sufficient to canonize me!"

'Me, I don't spend my pocket money: I hoard it...'

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

'RUN FOR COVER!!!!! It's another one of those 'Baby Showers'!!!

"A GPS! Thanks guys! It's exactly what I need to guide my sleigh...you know, in light of that unfortunate hunting accident."

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

Banana Split...

Filet minion

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

"Whoa. Someone needs their diaper changed."

Drink for me and my hot mamma. Now! We don't serve beer. Latte. Two, punk! Decaf. You don't want to see him angry. Also, low-foam and soy milk would be great. You don't want to see him gassy. Can I get one of those little Twizzler sticks to stir it with? Cube of brown sugar, please. And one nonfat blueberry scone! Two! I'd like to see how John Wayne would've ordered a fancy coffee drink.

E-Baying @ The Moon

'Big sale at the Dog Store. Buy 1, get 2 free.'

Cake Free Zone

'Rover isn't any good at catching frisbees. You've heard of stone hands?...he's got a stone mouth.'

"Eat me"

A 'Falling Rock' and a 'Deer Crossing' zone.

Snowmobull

"Do we have to go to the beach? I think the airline mixed up my luggage."

'The bad news is you're going to marry a geek, and not a pro athlete. The good news is the geek owns the team.'

Turtle Hat

"The Eggsorcist"

A golden Big Boy holding a plate of poop

"Oh no. Is that my ex?"