Classic Comedy Collector Gifts

Peter Cook

Occu-Pie Mars

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

Build your very own conflict of interest!

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

'What did one flea ask the other?' 'Shall we walk or take the dog?'

A large leaf falling on a dog

"It's a letter from the Vatican. They say that whilst walking the streets without stepping into dog poo is nearly as miraculous as walking on water, it's not sufficient to canonize me!"

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

"A GPS! Thanks guys! It's exactly what I need to guide my sleigh...you know, in light of that unfortunate hunting accident."

'You and your 'Rescue the Reindeer' campaign!'

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

Banana Split...

"The Eggsorcist"

Primitive magician

E-Baying @ The Moon

'Rover isn't any good at catching frisbees. You've heard of stone hands?...he's got a stone mouth.'

Turtle Hat

'Big sale at the Dog Store. Buy 1, get 2 free.'

Snowmobull

Filet minion

'Excuse me could you please direct me to the nearest toilet?'

Drink for me and my hot mamma. Now! We don't serve beer. Latte. Two, punk! Decaf. You don't want to see him angry. Also, low-foam and soy milk would be great. You don't want to see him gassy. Can I get one of those little Twizzler sticks to stir it with? Cube of brown sugar, please. And one nonfat blueberry scone! Two! I'd like to see how John Wayne would've ordered a fancy coffee drink.

"Can you juggle a household, three kids, and a career?"

"Oh no. Is that my ex?"

Next year, we are NOT going to Costco.

"This is a great school but it wasn't my first choice."

'Crushing empty beer cans is for wimps.'

A trevor of trainspotters

'I reckon we need a new sweeper.'

"Yes, if that towel weighs 25 lbs that would explain the reading."

"Whose the new guy?"

'Finish your homework first, Og... then you can watch the wall.'

What happened when the bond issues failed during the building of the Great Wall of China: The Great Picket Fence of China.

The embarrassment of mistaking a salon for a saloon.