Obtaining A Permit Pillows

"I've really been trying harder in my marriage since my wife got her concealed weapons permit."

'You wouldn't happen to be sitting on my entry to the straightest runner bean competition?'

'I didn't know ostriches could swim.'

Lilly was too far from the phone to complain about her new stairlift.

I love Science.

Writers wait in their area of expertise.

So those are your 'weapons of mass destruction? - Slugs?

'This is the shortest autobiography I've ever read!'

Sheds

'Legend has it, he was known as the pigeon whisperer.'

'I still write all my novels longhand.'

-You need a permit to fish here. -I'm doing okay with a worm, thank you

'Why can't I park it here? I'm just getting my moneys worth.'

'Yes, it is last year's hunting license, but I'm only hunting the ones I missed last year.'

Man makes pigeons perform tricks for crisps.

"Great news! Your novel is in a medium-size pile in the middle of the floor about four feet from the left side of Oprah's assistant's desk."

Rider's Block: Well I'll be. I've completely forgotten how to start this thing.

Sign on shed reads 'Gone to seed.'

"You can't compete with a retired pharmacist."

'Could I see your ground disturbance permit?!'

A nun feeds a flock of angels in the park.

An astronaut lands on the moon to find that his lunar module has landed by a parking meter.

Meet the plaguarist

"Still trying to grow mushy peas,Alf?"

No read publishing.

"You got another letter from the neighborhood association..."

Passport Picture.

"So, once again, Mrs Smith, it's grab handle, grip firmly, and pull straight towards you..."

'When you get your permit, you get to sit over here in the driver's seat.'

"The council says we can't build our extension. Maybe we should ask the EU?"

Two statues face each other in a park; the state of a man is labeled "Sit!" while the statue of a dog is labeled "Good Dog".

'If this law is padded then it would be a felony to carry a rolled-up newspaper.'

'Your manuscript is going straight to audio books, and...to video.'

At last, he was able to plug into the distribution network of a major publisher.

Provisional Driving License - you are licensed to..Drive a motor car if accompanied..drive a moped..deliver pizza