Obituary Enthusiast Pillows

'The New York Times obituaries had some good things to say about you. However, none of them are in this book.'

Editor reasures subscriber that he will get an obituary

"He just sits there all day reading the obituaries and giggling."

"Why do you read obituaries every day?"

"For the girls—Kimberly, Caitlin, Lauren, Cindy, and Tracy. For the boys—Cameron, Christopher, Adam, Jeffrey, and Gregory."

'Of course the Johnsons got the big cloud.'

"I've been reading a book of famous quotations. It's amazing how many are by a famous Greek named Anonymous."

"Tia Carmen, did you ever wish summer was over...so you could be in school?"

Veterans Day '20

'Quotes, woof, woof, woof, woof, closed quotes.'

"No flash in the ancient mummy gallery."

Frog Prince thinks: 'A horse, a horse, my kingdom for a horsefly.'

Tom Cruise

'Sounds like it'll flop.'

"Damn Pope Gregory and his new calendar."

'Even if you do, never admit that you know everything.'

Dear Sadie, I'm just an aging Baby-Boomer who still believes in America, and sees all the good around me, but I don't understand why we've become so mean. How can I feel good about us again? Signed, Marlemarion. Great question. There's an easy answer as to how you can feel better about the world. Change your name to something normal! I just don't agree with the @#$% premise that we've gotten mean.

Autobiographies - Fiction and Non-fiction.

"Really? 'Yeller'? That's what you want to name him?"

How does it feel to always be the smartest guy in the room, Dr. Kapuchnik? Usually, it feels pretty good. In this particular case, it feels like I'm cheating.

Hippie on the moon

Books: Names That Will Make Your Child Hate You!

"That's perfect! The bloody door is too small!"

'That's a bad omen no sooner does he invent the wheel than he has the first ever road traffic accident.'

1,001 names to Embarrass Your Child for Life.

Lancelot put to the Test.

War HeroWar Exit Strategy Hero.

"I can tell you about this article or you can just read the comments online."

'I'm the one who sold King Tut his tomb. The commission was huge.'

"Everyone is so cynical these days."

Mummies for Dummies

Proof you've made it Loud Annoying The voices raised against you

Scale indicates the value of books.

'Therefore I do christen this child 'Isyouis Oris You Ain't.''

"Did you say something? I thought I heard a sound bite."