Obedience Training Humorist Gifts

"I'm not into slippers."

"What you call tricks I call humiliations."

'Unbelievable: My cowboy expects me to drop everything and come running when he whistles...'

"Why do dogs wag their tails? Because it always brings results."

"We've found a marvelous trainer for Rex."

Agility God

"...do they teach manners at obedience school?"

Zombie pet tricks.

Dog Training Academy and the Cat Anarchy Club.

"Penny's still having issues grasping 'icing the puck,' but she nailed 'offsides' and 'too many men' today!"

Dogs are smart enough to understand human commands. Cats are smart enough to ignore them.

Becoming The Good Boy They Say You Are

Jump Boy!God, your life must be dull.

"I do what they tell me, I eat what they give me. How do I know they're not a cult?"

'He's never going to graduate. How about giving him an honorary degree instead?'

'I can see the practical side of fetching, but what's the point of rolling over?'

'I taught him to shake hands, but I don't know where he got the joybuzzer!'

"I'm taking a gap year and then getting my Master's in Fetching and Staying."

'I want a dog who will fetch my things, so don't sell me one that drools.'

"Yeah, I've put on a lot of weight, but my master's favourite command is "sit, sit, sit!" I barely ever get to exercise..."

"You're not going anywhere, young man, until you probe and release your catch!"

'I'm tired of sitting and staying.'

Obedience school was tough. Especially the homework, which he would do and then eat.

"Does he need to be healed or heeled?"

"What, again? You've gotta be kidding me!"

"Text!"

'Toilet paper, Lassie! Fetch toilet paper! Stupid mutt!'

"Sorry honey, I'll be late. The boss told me to stay."

'Going to Puppy School is so old fashioned Dad: I can do the course through open learning now...'

"Not until you fetch the other one."

'Okay, let's try it one more time...slippers...slippers....'

'Out of the blue, my Master is now obsessed with having me sit, shake hands and rollover...'

'Let me put this in dog terms: Woof! Woof! Bark! Bark! Bow-wow-wow!'

Caution: Feeding the dogs under the table leads to the next inevitable step.

Cruel Pet Tricks