Obedience Training Humorist Gifts

"I'm not into slippers."

"What you call tricks I call humiliations."

'Unbelievable: My cowboy expects me to drop everything and come running when he whistles...'

"Why do dogs wag their tails? Because it always brings results."

"We've found a marvelous trainer for Rex."

Agility God

"Penny's still having issues grasping 'icing the puck,' but she nailed 'offsides' and 'too many men' today!"

Zombie pet tricks.

Dog Training Academy and the Cat Anarchy Club.

"...do they teach manners at obedience school?"

Jump Boy!God, your life must be dull.

Becoming The Good Boy They Say You Are

Dogs are smart enough to understand human commands. Cats are smart enough to ignore them.

"I do what they tell me, I eat what they give me. How do I know they're not a cult?"

'I can see the practical side of fetching, but what's the point of rolling over?'

'He's never going to graduate. How about giving him an honorary degree instead?'

"Yeah, I've put on a lot of weight, but my master's favourite command is "sit, sit, sit!" I barely ever get to exercise..."

'I taught him to shake hands, but I don't know where he got the joybuzzer!'

'I'm tired of sitting and staying.'

"You're not going anywhere, young man, until you probe and release your catch!"

'I want a dog who will fetch my things, so don't sell me one that drools.'

"I'm taking a gap year and then getting my Master's in Fetching and Staying."

Obedience school was tough. Especially the homework, which he would do and then eat.

"Does he need to be healed or heeled?"

'Going to Puppy School is so old fashioned Dad: I can do the course through open learning now...'

"Text!"

"Not until you fetch the other one."

"What, again? You've gotta be kidding me!"

"Sorry honey, I'll be late. The boss told me to stay."

'Toilet paper, Lassie! Fetch toilet paper! Stupid mutt!'

'Okay, let's try it one more time...slippers...slippers....'

Cruel Pet Tricks

'Out of the blue, my Master is now obsessed with having me sit, shake hands and rollover...'

"House training's not so bad - you soon get used to it and, if you play your cards right, you'll get lots of treats."

Caution: Feeding the dogs under the table leads to the next inevitable step.