Nyc Socialite Humorists Pillows

"I'd ask you up, Richard, but my roommates and I have a pretty strict 'no-"Times"-twits-in-seersucker' policy."

"Wait, those crunchy, cheesy little fish thingies are free?!"

"Well there's no way I'm going to say 'whom'!"

'Man. Piltdown Man.'

Champagne at the hunt

'Looks like this part of the beach has been claimed.'

Liberals' Wishful Thinking about Joe Biden

"You ain't wearin' a brassiere." "How could you tell?" "Cuz the wrinkles are all stretched out of yer face."

"There's a notice from the co-op board. Would we be interested in playing softball on the Great Lawn?"

"I keep telling her she should do something with her stupid little online pieces."

"I'm going to need to make multiple stops."

"The most common adverse vaccine reaction after the first dose is trying to get the second dose."

'Thank God I don't live in a Jimmy Choo!'

Street person selling bricks from wall he's leaning on.

'I sculpt what I see, Miss Delsey.'

'The prisons are full, so I'm sentencing you to marry Rosie O'Donnell.'

"At work, they call me benchmark."

TV SALES, 'Will the violence chip block out Chris Matthews'

'I don't know where he's getting it from, but it happens every time I ask him to fetch my slippers.'

'Naughty or nice? - I suppose you mean by White male standards, right?'

Resistance, American Style

Two Men Dining.

"The point is, Hutchens, a younger man could jump higher."

"And on tap I've got Enfamil, Isomil, and Gerber Lite."

'I think they've caught wind of the impending layoffs.'

Hmm, no, I think I prefer something off the rack.

'It's a social-climbing wall.'

"I want to be a spam master when I grow up. You'll find a sample of my work on your computer."

"I was a late bloomer—I didn't inherit my money until my fifties."

Your dire prediction in this space. 1-555-826-1000

'You really don't get this 'going clubbing' thing ... '

Refusing to shake hands

"This Subway Diet is way better than that Atkins nonsense."

Tunnel of Doris

'By the way, I usually sneeze in twos. So that's another interesting thing about me.'