Socialite Humor Appreciator Pillows

'May I say how delightful it is to hear he use of the word 'Egad'.'

BRAND-NEW OMG-STORY

Children should be seen and not heard. We're decorative.

"I don't think you have a case. It's only slander if it's not true, and I've heard you play."

"It doesn't work on geese."

Playing With Peace

'Hello, handsome - is that a Billy Cotton ringtone?'

"I keep telling her she should do something with her stupid little online pieces."

Scott Walker keeps his job.

"Would you please sip your drink and not swill it!"

You know your getting old when you have to put on your reading glasses to trim your eyebrows...

'The easy part was training him not to beg.'

"At work, they call me benchmark."

Paris Hilton

Chavez makes sacrifice.

Putin's Statement on Aid Convoy Attack...

Tom Bowler

Obama Bucks

Deselection Box

'Just as I suspected, you don't have a serious bone in your body.'

Hall of Mirrors

"Hello. We're from the Government, and we mean you no harm."

'Narcissism Helpline. How can you be of assistance?'

"What if this whole jumping off the cliff thing is nothing but a myth?"

'The government should never have put fluoride in the water.'

Top 10 signs you're getting older...

"Wow...tough crowd."

'How can I put this... My bladder is not what you'd call a 'control freak'.'

'Could I interest you in buying a raffle ticket to the pro-gun lobbyists' ball?'

"This is Dr. Frogwart, he'll be advising you ironically about your need to lose weight."

Walmart finally breaks into French market

'That's interesting -- if you adjust for inflation, we're upper middle class.'

"Danger!! Do not feed or put your hands through the bars."

"They always remember 'bring a dish,' but they always forget 'to pass.'"

'For some reason, when my skin crawls, it feels smooth.'