Nutritional Critiquer Gifts

I'd like my money back. The celery smoothie didn't make me lose weight at all. I've been drinking three a day for two weeks, yet I've gained 17 pounds. Did you add any sugar or honey or anything to it? Don't try to change the subject. No refunds.

"Good For You / Bad For You"

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

"I hate this time of year."

'Let me at it! Let me see!!'

"Hey, waiter! This homework is burnt to a crisp!"

"I'm not sure what's causing your stomachache. But I think it's safe to rule out hunger pains."

Fishing rod coming out of a health farm towards a hot dog stand.

'Who cares about content? With a title like this it'll sell millions!'

"Young man, the world is your oyster, but for God�s sake avoid peanuts, soy, milk, eggs, wheat, fish, tree nuts, and chocolate."

'Apparently the nutrients and the additives cancel each other out.'

'Frank, leak to the tabloids that these slow moving broccoli flakes cure cancer.'

Now all meals contain 'Enzymate' for fast digestion.'

Sawdust.

'I could have had a V-8!'

Aiiiii! Fat! Cholesterol! Food!

"Do you know donuts have fewer calories than you? I guess that would explain your muffin top."

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

'According to Dr Alvin McDowell, everything that was good for you is now bad for you!'

Socrates, 399 B.C: 'Wow, I could have had a V-8.'

'It's getting harder every day to make a living at this.'

"Stuffing your face while watching TV does cause obesity."

"Management would like you to keep in mind that the latest research indicates that everything on our 'Healthy Menu' is now unhealthy."

'Let me introduce my biggest supporter, a real whale of a guy, a huge fan..'

"It appears your high sodium bacon is playing havoc with your blood pressure."

"Health advice does change over time, but I doubt if we'll EVER be recommending a diet of pizza and beer."

"It may not be the lowest cal, but it's low enough cal for me."

'If you haven't been taking your vitamins. What have you been doing with them?'

'I envy your metabolism.'

'Hello - is that Jamie Oliver?'

Food Pyramid.

'It appears that 'reduced fat' means high fat, 'lo-fat' means plenty of fat, and 'fat-free' means some fat.'

'Don't rush me. I'm adding up the calories!'

We only give him smartwater.