Nurturing Navigator Pillows

Parenting academy: "Right, that covers nutritional theory in the socio-economic context of class structure in a eurocentric and essentially homophobic culture...now if one of you would like to take a tit out we'll do the practical..."

'I have her registered in a pre-med nursery program.'

'Modern women: part nurturer, part healer, part seeker of clues.'

Bad for you but to die for

"You be the moral grandstander and I'll be the politically incorrect troll."

'Change is inevitable, espeically when you have a newborn in diapers."

A Preschool of Fish

'You change him, and I'll change the tire.'

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

'The dripping keeps me awake!'

Well, you'd better learn to like them!

'I'm just using this while my monster truck is in the shop.'

"Why, Mr. Larsen! We were about ready to give up on you."

'How many fingers do you see?'

'This is Tyler; he's mommy's precious little feral-angel.'

'I almost get out the door and then my mom yells...'Don't you know it's February?!' And here I am again...looking like an eskimo.'

'I didn't get the Owners Manual. I thought you got the Owners Manual.'

"Eating a diet rich in vibrant colors does not mean a bowl of Skittles."

I can't decide what to read, Gourmet or Weight Watchers.

Shrink

'We are considering a nursery expansion.'

Adam and Eve - Food scares

'You can always tell the pediatricians.'

'Turn everything off...we've sprung a leak!'

Babies

Mono-Tasking, Multi-Tasking, No-No Tasking and Nada Tasking.

"There's got to be an easier way to lie around the house."

'I feel much safer living in a gated community.'

"You mentioned separation anxiety. Don't worry, she'll be all right."

"I think this end is loaded."

'I know we're not 'almost there,' but I keep asking just to keep her focused.'

"I avoid the 3 'Bs' when I'm dieting - boxes, buckets and bags."

"Eating junk food may make you feel young at heart, but it isn't making your heart feel young."

"We want one that's genetically gifted but not genetically spoiled."

'No offence. The other breast and I seemed to click.'