Nursing Gifts

Batman at the Maternity Ward

'You are a very good nurse. You're actually listening to what I'm saying.'

'Do you remember when all we had to do was look after people?'

'My finger's stopped bleeding. I must have run out of blood.'

"Never talk down to patients. I'll be back to explain why when the big hand's on the 12..."

"We are a bit understaffed today, could you be 6 people?"

'More budget cuts. One gown per room. Who wants to wear it first?'

'This is the discharge nurse, she'll be able to tell you about all the services you aren't able to get any more when you leave.'

'introducing the governments new, cost-effective nursing model...'

'I don't need informed consent to give you a sponge bath.'

'We really should talk about how time constraints preclude applying the skills we were taught, to deal with spiritual distress, but I have to run.'

"John says you've all been compassionate and caring! Would you please stop... or he'll expect that at home!"

'And this nurse Jenkins...who we'll be blaming if the hospital kills your husband...'

'Engorgement's not easy for either of us.'

'You seem quieter tonight. Did they give you something to help you relax?'

My job is mostly seasonal. The busiest times are cold season, flu season, and allergy season.

He was different from the other doctors. For one thing, he refused to play God.

'Sorry, but we are shorthanded today...'

'Guidelines say we have to have five nurses on the ward. This is Sandra, also known as Claire, Faith, Jasmine and Nicolette.'

'We're trying to use a team approach to medicine, but we're having trouble fitting everyone!'

'Death doesn't frighten me, but the night nurse does...'

'Where's the first-aid kit?'

Nurse has painted target of patient's butt.

"Guess what face I'm making now."

'We thought the 'bed shortage' was bad, until the 'hospital trolley shortage' came along.'

"I think you may have your gown on back to front."

"Poor old dear can't talk much anymore I wonder what he's thinking...?" "Nice tits."

"We'll have someone to help you as soon as we've recruited and trained them. Shouldn't be more than 5 or 6 years!"

'Sorry, staff shortage.'

"She's the best nit nurse this school has ever seen."

Bed Sores and Breakfast - Palliative care.

'Can I get an order of fries with that?'

"Bingo! Found it!"

"9:43 patient number 345/d, time for your human interaction."

Multi-agency Working