Nurse Gifts

'I think my work here is done.'

"We're doing everything we can to make him comfortable, short of dressing up as male doctors."

'While you may not be as comfortable with a female doctor, on the plus side, my hands are smaller.'

Batman at the Maternity Ward

"I'm like Santa, but for 'Season's Greetings.' Here, have a box of cotton swabs."

"Well, Bob, it looks like a paper cut, but just to be sure let's do lots of tests."

Urology Department (door leaking pee)

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

'Hey, Lori! Take a look at Mr. Geckler's EKG!'

2021

"Unfortunately, there's no cure—there's not even a race for a cure."

"His final wish was that all his medical bills be paid promptly."

"The machine's done something really weird to Mr. Hendrickson."

'No! This isn't the place to order a blood transfusion!'

Boston Gastroenterology Clinic: 'No, I don't have an accent. I said your appointment was too farty.'

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"It's a simple stress test - I do your blood work, send it to the lab, and never get back to you with the results."

PSA Banter.

'I need to reset his internal clock...does anyone have the correct time?'

"This is gonna hurt like hell."

'That's odd. For most people, getting a pet helps lower blood pressure.'

"Whoa – way too much information."

'They want your underwear.'

"We're running a little behind, so I'd like each of you to ask yourself, 'Am I really that sick, or would I just be wasting the doctor' valuable time?'"

"Under our holistic approach, Mr. Wyndot, we not only treat your symptoms, we also treat your dog."

'Why are you giving me an allergy shot. Shouldn't you be giving me an anti-allergy shot?'

'Sometimes, laughter is the best medicine.'

'kidney Pie?'

Way too General Practitioner

Department of Silly Sounding Prescription Medications

"I am not the famous heart surgeon, but I am in his medical group."

'Well, I guess window washing is not my chosen career!'

'You're grounded.'

Good News, Bad News - Save the Leg.