Nursery Rhyme Connoisseur Gifts

He's got a few aliases, Jack B. Nimble . . . but his real name is John . . .John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt.

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

'Houston, I'm prepared to land...'

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

CSI: Mother Goose Unit...'Hmmm...I'm beginning to suspect that perhaps mister Dumpty's demise wasn't simply a tragic accident.'

'Are you made of sugar?'

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

Round up all the king's horses and all the king's men for questioning.

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

Cow jumping over the moonshine.

"The spoon, he ran away with the goddam spoon."

The Hey Diddle Diddle Orchestra

"You're lost. This is Mom's apple pie."

Jack Finds The Giant Grilling At His Giant Grill

'Listen up, Baskerville! This is MacDonald! Those hounds of yours are scaring the E-I-E-I-O out of my animals!'

'Henrietta is so self-confident.'

"Well, that one got away."

"You'll have to help out here more. I pulled a hammy jumping over the moon."

"A whack, whack here. A whack, whack there. Here a whack, there a whack. Everywhere a whack, whack."

'I knew things were getting out of hand when I went from snips, to snails, to puppy dogs tails....'

'She barely made it out of the atmosphere... next!'

Old Lady in shoe driving a footie (sock) car.

"So, when he says, 'What a good boy am I,' Jack is really reinforcing his self-esteem."

Humpty Dumpty goes bungee jumping.

Old Mother Goose Nursery Rhymes

'You were right Doc: Jumping over the monn did boost my self esteem!'

Rockabye Baby- $10/hour.

If you're happy and you know it...

"You can’t just go up the waterspout whenever you hear something you don’t like!"

"And if that diamond ring don’t shine, Poppa will probably take it back to 47th Street and get something for your mother."

"Only one pailful? Did they have water restrictions like we do?"

Chicken Little Inc. Pecking Order.

'And you're telling me this, why?'

"Damn! I'm in the wrong fairy tale. This is the three little pig's house, not the three bear's!"

'Hurray for indoor plumbing!'